90 Best Sarcastic Quotes

sarcastic quotes

90 Best Sarcastic Quotes to make your smirk. Share these Sarcastic Quotes on life.

Here the 90 best Sarcastic Quotes:

If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.

Sarcastic Quotes

My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.

Sarcastic Quotes

If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.

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Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

Sarcastic Quotes

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes on Life

Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.

Sarcastic Quotes on Life

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

Sarcastic Quotes on Life

Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

Sarcastic Quotes on Life

I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.

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Sarcastic Quotes on Life

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!

Sarcastic Quotes on Life

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No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.

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Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

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I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

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When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

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Sarcastic Quotes on Love

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

Sarcastic Quotes on Love

I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.

Sarcastic Quotes on Love

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Sarcastic Quotes on Love

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Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.

Sarcastic Quotes on Love

Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.

Sarcastic Quotes on Love

Sarcasm Quotes

If this constant bitter disappointment was love, then I was perfectly fine not to have anything to do with it.

Sarcasm Quotes

The problem is that in this jail there are too many mosquitoes, they don’t let me sleep.

Sarcasm Quotes

Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard.

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Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.

Sarcasm Quotes

Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.

Sarcasm Quotes

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I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

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Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

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Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

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Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

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Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.

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Sarcastic Quotes on Friends

You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.

When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep.

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Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

Money can’t buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.

Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

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People that pay for things never complain. It’s the guy you give something to that you can’t please.

Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.

What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

The more that learn to read, the less learn how to make a living. That’s one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.

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People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.

If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to come home from work tomorrow.

Fighting with me is like being in the special olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a retard.

Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.

One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand.

Don’t mistake this fake smile and professional body language. I’d punch you in the throat if I knew I wouldn’t lose my job.

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.

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Also, check out these Respect Quotes.

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